You are currently browsing the category archive for the 'Breaking the ice' category.
It’s not easy to recover from an eating disorder. More than just gaining weight and rebuilding your strength, it takes courage to step above the conventional idealism of skinny being ‘in’. It takes effort to swallow blunt, tactless, and often mindless and unconstructive comments about how you’ve put on weight – which is more often than not followed by a disapproving look.
‘Dear me, how could you have let yourself go?’
It’s hard, and even after organising a workshop on self-love, the unrealistic female ideals, and eating disorders, I struggle daily with remembering it’s what’s on the inside that counts. But I do it, because at the end of the day, it’s me who matters.
“You’re twice your size!” – I am angry but I force a smile. As the lift door slides open, I run. I run fast. Fuck you, I think. Do you know because I was half my current size before that my reproductive system is fucked up? That I am anemic and I need Iron pills? That I can’t menstruate? That there’s a possibility that my bones aren’t as dense as an average 23 yr old?
I run it off. And I think to myself, I’m skipping dinner. I’m skipping dinner and I’ll show you.
But
I
Can’t
I can’t because it hurts. Physically and emotionally – the thought of hurting myself pains me. Self hatred is painful, the most painful thing in the world. And I’m not going to turn to it just to fit your mold. Or anyone else’s mold of perfect.
I forgive you, but I cannot let myself get close to you. I love myself much more than that.
“A cultural fixation on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty. It is an obsession about female obedience. Dieting is the most potent political sedative in women’s history” – Naomi Wolf
Taken from a blog entry from Consider this: To starve or not to starve:
An intelligent, healthy and successful woman in our society is seen as a threat, and therefore, as ugly – because she is violating male norms of femininity. Just think – Margaret Thatcher, Angela Merkel, Cherie Blair. All vilified and mocked in the press for their ‘manly’ ways. It’s as if, when a woman no longer ressembles a fourteen year old virgin she must become invisible – or suffer the consequences.
I only knew him briefly, no longer than 1/2 a day. I watched him snuggle against his brother for warmth and hope that mommy will be back to feed them, to protect them. He was no longer than my hand, he couldn’t even open his eyes. He miewed pitifully, hours after his mother left them. And then, by an ironic twist of fate, his mommy came back, but only for one of them. Because he was touched by human hand, he’s now tainted, his mommy thinks. And so he’s left to find a new source of warmth and food. But at 3 days old, he’s no more than the size of a hamster, with a defence system no better than a foetus. Life’s hard babe, and I can only wish you’ll find a better one in kitten Heaven. I’m so sorry I couldn’t take care of you. I’m so sorry she left you. I’m so sorry you had to be touched by that lady. I’m sorry for lifting the covers and exposing you to the rest of the world. I’m so sorry you didn’t get a fighting chance to stay here with us all on Earth.
“Once upon a time, I wanted to know what love was. Love is there if you want it to be. You just have to see that it’s wrapped in beauty and hidden away in between the seconds of your life. If you don’t stop for a minute, you might miss it.”
One of the most beautiful movies I’ve seen in a while. Well-arranged narrative by the protagonist, music so beautifully haunting, and casting so well-done, it’s hard to believe that it’s only a movie.
Set in England, the story is about Ben Willis, a painter who can freeze time [be it in his imagination or in his reality in the movie] to appreciate the beauty in everything, in anyone, especially the female form. He takes us back in time, several times throughout the movie, to share his fascination of the female form, it’s sensuality and the ‘power’ many women unknowingly possess – and it is that innocence that he so captures in his paintings and sketches.
“I read once about a woman whose secret fantasy was to have an affair with an artist. She thought he would really see her. He would see every curve, every line, every indentation and love them because they were part of the beauty that made her unique.”
Cashback is not only beautiful and artistic in its cinematography, but the director and producers too managed to edge in enough dialogue with wit to ease off the solemnness of the movie.
I only wonder why it wasn’t given better reviews and exposure that it duly deserves.
In 1991, after 14 female students were killed by a young man rejected from their university, a group of men in Canada came together and decided to start a campaign to end men’s violence against women. 6 weeks later, over 100, 000 men, all across Canada, were spotted wearing a White Ribbon.
Today, the White Ribbon Campaign takes place in more than 50 countries spanning 2 weeks. Its main event day, Nov 25, coincides with International Day for Elimination of Violence Against Women.
By picking up a white ribbon and wearing it, you are telling the world you do not engage in or condone violence against women or children and that you will speak up against such abuse.
Sometimes it’s just a facebook wallpost, or a call when you’re in need.
It’s the little things that count. And sometimes, you don’t think much about it until you realise that the nice warm fuzzy feeling in your heart isn’t coming from the steaming bowl of ban mian you had for lunch.
Sometimes you just gotta do yourself a favour:
Be selfish, take time off, and breathe.
I think it’s only after doing so, can you do others favours.
Welcome to Perfect the way I am blog! I no time yet lah. later then post. Love!
